Who doesn’t love a wedding? I know I love them!
They’re beautiful and extravagant occasions where two people decide to show their love and commitment to one another in front of their friends and family.
It really is a special celebration!
But unfortunately, not every wedding is made to last.
You Should Call It Off
My niece was 27-years-old, a top tier lawyer, and a beautiful woman. She was marrying a thrice divorced 42-year-old who had a somewhat mysterious means of support. He was a very attractive man, seemed aloof, but her parents were gritting their teeth because they didn’t like the guy. We flew in a day before the wedding. After the rehearsal party, I had a few minutes alone with my niece. I have always been her favorite aunt. All I had to do was ask her, “Are you sure you want to marry this man?”
The floodgates of emotions erupted. She started bawling. She wasn’t sure, and she didn’t know what to do, so she just hugged me sobbing. I calmed her down and gave her a glass of wine to sip. She told me she had an epiphany about a week ago and realized this guy was not right for her. However, she was afraid to back out now with all of the time, money, travel, and planning that had been invested.
Long story short, we had a midnight meeting with her parents. She called off the wedding. Yes, it was very difficult. The groom’s family went ballistic. Thousands of dollars had been spent by guests and my sister, but all of the people closest to her were relieved.
Instead of having a wedding reception, we had a family reunion with all of the food and stuff. My niece ended up marrying a nice guy a few years later in a civil ceremony. They have three kids together and a good marriage.
Her First Love
The bride wouldn’t stop hugging MY husband who, unbeknownst to us, was her first “true love”. He thought they were good friends, but all of HER friends knew that she was in love with him and were shocked when he showed up. My husband was clueless. She was clinging to him and crying. It was horrible, and we bolted as soon as possible.
A Disaster From The Start
The whole thing was a disaster from the start. Although, it was one of the most extravagant weddings that I’ve ever attended. It must have cost well over 100k. Cocktails were served before the reception, and the groom was smashed. One of the bride’s best friends from out of town complimented him on how great his eyebrows looked. He replies back with, “What are you trying to say about me?” Then, he tried to kick her out. Even though she was just trying to be polite.
After that fiasco, he kept on drinking. It was time to cut the cake. So, normally you would just cut the cake and maybe rub a little into each other’s faces. Nope, he baseball pitched the cake straight into her face. I’m not exaggerating. Everyone went completely silent. The bride ran out of the reception bawling her eyes out, and her father followed her. Her brothers started to get in his face, but things were quickly calmed down. Once she returned, the groom decided it was time to make an apology over the mic. You can guess how much of a disaster that turned out to be. It was all incoherent nonsense.
As the night was coming to an end, the groom was outside with her brothers and dad trying to fight all of them. Yes, the marriage was annulled the very next day.
It’s Tax Season
At the after-dinner, the groom was asked why they got married and he responded with, “Well, tax season is coming up.”
Not at a wedding, but I make wedding cakes for a living. The other day, I had a cake tasting with a very nice young couple. They were both very nice and polite during the tasting. When the tasting was over, we were about to start talking about pricing and contracts. The groom excused himself and asked if the bride and I wouldn’t talk about anything while he was away. He came back with his mom. She was a very rude woman. She pretty much told me to shut my mouth and write down five different prices for various cakes. While me and the mother were talking, I notice that the groom had a death grip on the bride’s arm. She didn’t look happy, and she looked like she was in pain. I felt so bad for the bride. She was such a sweet girl.
A Drinking Problem
They had split up a couple of years before because he drank too much and got violent. When they reconnected years later, it was with the understanding that he would never drink again.
I found him drinking neat spirits behind a bush at their reception.
Have Some Liquid Courage
My wife was a bridesmaid in this wedding. I videotaped the whole thing, and I was going to edit the footage together for the couple. After the wedding and a lot of drinking, the wedding party went to the couple’s favorite bar for more “celebrating” with their core group of friends. Few more hours into drinking and the bride was so wasted, the truth started coming out.
She started trashing the groom, and anyone else that got in her way (my wife included.) She ended up calling her ex-husband at 2 am and telling him that she had made a huge mistake. I took the phone and told him that she was drunk, and he understood. Night ended with us shoving them into the limo that was supposed to take them to their hotel. We were all hoping for the best because we were also sick of it.
They are still married from what we I’ve heard. We are no longer friends with the wife. I still have their unedited wedding footage on my computer.
When the hotel had to, at the last minute, organize a separate room for the newly married man.
I took my friend’s wedding video. During the wedding, I was getting testimonials. Some of his family members’ testimonies were less than enthusiastic. His uncle straight up said (while looking right into the camera), “I’m not even going to give it one year.” Pretty messed up. I was friends with both of them. While they were flawed, they seemed great together. My friend kept asking for the footage, and I had to keep on making excuses to avoid giving it to him because I thought it would crush him. The worst part is, within a year, they started counselling. She cheated on him, and they divorced. It sucked all around.
A Second Look
The groom spent most of the day running around making sure that everything was perfect, while the bride spent a lot of the time sharing knowing glances with the best man.
Second marriage for both. The guests were mostly her friends. In the weeks leading up to the ceremony, the bride moaned frequently about how, “My life will be over soon” and “I have 34 days of freedom left” etc. It was like Martha Stewart counting down the days until she had to report to prison. The groom seemed adrift and lonely at his own wedding, hopped from table to table during the pre-ceremony cocktails assuring all of her friends that we had “carte blanche” to continue talking to her after they were married. It was as if she was a lawnmower or something that we could borrow.
The bride segregated the wedding guests (again, it was mostly just her own friends) into an A-tier invited for the ceremony and sit-down dinner and a B-tier invited that was 3 hours later for dessert and dancing only. Bride took more pleasure in categorizing her friends than in the groom’s presence. During dinner, she informed the A-tier guests that we were the “Cream of the crop.” B-tier guests, including the groom’s few friends, showed up before dinner was over and stood out in the drizzle that was hammering the windows while we finished our salmon. The groom seemed to disappear at that point. The bride ended up drunk on the dance floor, doing the electric slide by herself, and sloshing Chardonnay everywhere. They divorced in less than 2 years.
She Was Ditched At The Alter
The groom abandoned his bride at the reception to drive off and collect his kids from an ex and take them somewhere. He was gone for hours. The bride, who was a friend of ours, ended up sitting in a circle with her old friends while getting hammered and having to put on a brave face. The marriage lasted less than 3 years.
She Was Sleeping with the Boss
At my brother’s first wedding, my grandma apparently saw a brief exchange of looks between the bride and her boss. She kept her mouth shut. Sure enough, within the year, they were divorced. The bride was sleeping with her boss.
It was partly because he was a terrible person, but mostly because he went and told the bride’s father about how much he was going have sex with his daughter now that they were married.
The First Wife
At my best friend’s wedding, the groom’s dad was dropping some things off at the church. I wanted to make small talk so I asked, “Bob, are you ready for the big day?”
He said, “Well, you know what they say, everyone’s got to have a first wife.”
The Awkward Couple
He announced that, “They were knocked up, YAY!” to everyone without her even in the room.
Watching them, besides the ceremony itself, I don’t think they ever said an actual word to each other the entire night. They obviously sat together at dinner, but talked to all of their “friends” instead.
There was no first dance. Someone actually said, “Screw this first dance stuff, lets just party!” and then like three people poured onto the dance floor.
It was a mess from the start.
A Bored Groom
The groom looked bored throughout the entire wedding. He fought back a yawn during the vows, but everyone saw it. He was with his best man the entire reception and barely sat down with her. A month later, the bride found out that he was sleeping with his ex and actually had sex with her two days before the wedding. He actually invited her to the wedding, and she sat at a table just smiling while she knew what cheaters they both were. It was a nasty divorce.
Dedicated a Song
My best friend since middle school was getting married. He was really good at playing the piano and singing, so he wrote his wife a song and sang it to her at the reception. He was super nervous, but he killed it. EVERY woman was in tears, it was such a lovely song.
Except for the bride, she stood right next to the piano with what I interpreted as a forced smile. The attention wasn’t on her for 5 minutes. They divorced 2 years later.
A coworker of mine got pregnant and decided to get married to her live-in boyfriend before the baby was born and invited me. I went and watched as the groom eyeballed all of the women entering. I thought to myself, “Oh man, they should not be getting married.” Later, I found out that he was having an affair with three of the girls at the wedding behind her back. On top of that, those girls were suppose to be her “friends.” Man, what a mess!
Obsessed With An Idea
I went to my wife’s coworker’s wedding. She took her own sweet time getting ready and made everyone wait an hour to see her walk down the aisle. It was supposed to be her “perfect day” just for the sake of it. She wasn’t really in love, she just wanted to get married. Everyone there knew it- even the mother of the bride made comments like, “Well, it’s the Jackie show.” Implying that it wasn’t really about the marriage at all. My wife and I predicted it would last 6 months. Turns out, we were right. She was “very upset” when her husband was caught cheating on her, but the entire time she was also cheating on him. Just a sham. It was a completely pointless event.
One side was a heartfelt tender acknowledgement of the couple and how they had grown with each other through the years. (They were high school sweethearts getting married in their late 20s).
The other side had, what felt like a 10 minute speech, on how wonderful their son was with very little acknowledgement of the bride. It was was very one-sided and struck me as odd.
Living a Second Life
Not on the wedding day but just before. It was one of those pre-marriage group classes through the church. They had the men and women split up to do separate round table discussions.
One guy asked if it was strange that his fiancé still slept with her parents all of the time (even when he was there). Then, he mentioned how she went home every weekend during college. She was currently a senior, and it was a nine hour one way trip.
We all said yes.
Some Very Devious Tactics
The wedding couple came to see me about a month in advance of the ceremony to choose music for the occasion.
They couldn’t agree on anything from the processional to the recessional and everything in between. She wanted the organ to be soft as she entered, and he wanted the organ to be “big and triumphant” (His words, not mine).
On the actual wedding day, long before the event could even start, he came up to the organ with his best man and offered me a “tip” if I did it his way and played a big organ piece instead of the softer, smaller-scaled entrance she preferred. I told him we needed to honor what was already agreed upon and not change it at the eleventh hour behind her back.
I remember the exchange vividly, and it made me wonder, “If he was going to be this devious now and uncaring about her wishes before being married, what would it be like after the exchange of rings and vows?”
The Bride’s Sad Eyes
The bride’s face. If you held your hand over her smile, her eyes looked heartbroken and hopeless.
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