Being cheated on by our partner is one thing that we all dread. And each one of us handles our partners infidelity differently, whether we chose to seek revenge, forgive them, or call time on the relationship.
And those of us that do chose to get revenge have own of ways of doing so, whether it’s getting even with your cheating partner, confronting the other woman or man in person, or venting your frustrations online, with the latter becoming increasingly common.
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Dana, 29, said she found her name and location plastered on ShesAHomewrecker.com after she had ended an affair with a married man three years ago.
“I really, really am sorry about it”, Dana told abc nightline. But the tears and apologies were not enough for the woman who claims Dana nearly brought an end to her marriage.
“If Dana can’t handle the humiliation of all of this, then she shouldn’t have slept with another woman’s husband”, the post on the website read.
Dana explains that the man in question had told her he was separated and was planning to leave his wife for her. But it appears this was a lie and now along with hundreds of women on the site, Dana is subject to constant embarrassment.
Dana told the abc news reporter that just looking at the website sends her into tears.
She’s A Homewrecker.com and was created by a woman who goes by the name “Ariella Alexander” who has no regrets about the site or the way it effects people after being caught out and exposed.
Each post on the website consists of a picture of the so called ‘homewrecker’ including their full name and location – so there’s enough information on there to ensure that the person can be identified and will no doubt wake up to a barrage of abusive emails, tweets and Facebook messages.
If you don’t have much of an online presence already, the homewrecker status will certainly bring up your name on any kind of google search (that’s right, any potential employers looking to do a bit of innocent stalking will be sure to come across the person’s history).
Some people might think the site is a little bit extreme, but Ariella doesn’t seem to think so.
When speaking to abc about the site, Ariella said “I hate to say it, but it’s going to — it can follow you for the rest of your life,” she said. “You appear on Google, I mean, everyone now knows what you’ve done.”
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The site has gathered a vast amount of media attention over the past few weeks, with some calling it “slut shaming,” pitting women against women. Alexander however sees it differently.
“If women love women so much, women wouldn’t be sleeping with other women’s husbands,” she said. “I didn’t start this. I created a platform. I’m not begging people to expose their homewreckers. They choose to use it.”
“At the end of the day, it’s about respect. As a woman, I am not going to sleep with somebody else’s husband. I am not going to flirt with somebody else’s husband. I am not going to involve myself in somebody else’s marriage.”
Dana Scott believes that the punishment does not fit the crime, especially as it was the husband who was really in the wrong, not her. Dana got pregnant during her affair and at the time, her lover told her he would leave his wife for her. She soon realized this was not going to happen. She realized he was never going to leave his wife so she ended the relationship and called the man’s wife to apologize.
“I told her everything and I apologized,” Scott said. “She was very, very calm. I was very hysterical because I felt so guilty. … I’m very sorry, I’ve told her so many times. I’ve written her many emails apologizing, from the depths of my soul, I’m sorry, and I don’t know what I can do.”
She ended up having the baby while the man and his wife stayed together and moved several states away. Then out of the blue, a few months later, Dana discovered her picture on ShesAHomewrecker.com. She said since then she has received a torrent of abuse from complete strangers.
“I don’t get why I’m getting all of the brunt of this when he was the one married, when he said he would honor [his wife], but I’m the bad guy and I’m getting blasted on the Internet,” she said. “He is a homewrecker. The home was already wrecked by the time I came into the picture. If you truly love someone else they are not going to stray. I feel that I’m not the one who wrecked the home.”
Dana is currently completing a nursing course but admits she is now worried that the post will be discovered by the hospital and ruin her chances.
“To the future employer Googling me, and reading all of those comments on the website, seeing all those things, who would want to hire me?” she said. “It wouldn’t matter how good of a nurse I was. That would go out the window and they would be like ‘We don’t want this woman to work here. We don’t want the bad publicity.’ It’s not fair.”
When questioned about the site, the creator, Alexander said “I get threats of lawsuits every single day, I have people threatening to sue me, people threatening to put me in jail. They’re sending the police to my house. I do have a lot of threats. … We take them as we get them, one at a time.”
And despite all of the controversy surrounding the website, it seems to be gathering a growing following on social media. Today, the Facebook page has over 600, 000 likes.
Alexander even claims that she receives around 100 new potential posts daily. But, she doesn’t accept everything that people try to post onto the website. “It takes quite some time to sift through them. The reason a post will not make it to the site is due to age or just not fitting with the purpose of the site.”
“Legally, I cannot verify stories due to the fact that I provide the platform, not the content – I haven’t been sued yet, and it would be difficult to do so. Again, I do not post the content on the site, I just provide the platform. Users have to adhere to the terms and conditions of the site which state that they are responsible for the information they provide.”
As of now the website is not against the law as the posts are not that of the website owner but are actually from members of the public.
So, what is the point to all of this? Is the site trying to prevent cheating by acting as a deterrent, or is it just a bit of old fashioned revenge?
According to Alexander, it’s the former: “I am hoping that this site will make women think twice before involving themselves in someone else’s relationship.
“Personally, I expect more from the other woman. I feel as though women should NOT involve themselves with married/taken men. I, as a woman, will NOT become involved with someone’s husband, I will NOT flirt with someone’s husband and I will NOT involve myself in someone else’s marriage. Why anyone would do that is beyond me.”
What do you think? Should sites like this be able to exist?
Although this is quite an extreme case of cheating and is beyond any understanding many people have been put in situations that they feel to be disgustingly treated by a partner.
So our advice to anybody left in this position after being cheated on is to talk about it. Get around your friends and family and do not isolate yourself in what could be the time you need them the most.
Do not, under any circumstances, feel even remotely at fault for what has happened to you. If you were loyal to your partner and they cheat on you without reason you are not at fault. Do not blame yourself.
Do not give up on finding love, not everybody will have the same morals and standards as your last partner. Let somebody new surprise you in a good way.
And last but certainly not least, don’t drop to their levels. Do not try and get revenge at any point and think it’s acceptable because they did it to you. You are better than that!
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