We’ve all heard stories of women with ‘Daddy Issues’ who tend to date certain types of men in order to fill a dad shaped hole in their heart.
Honestly, I use to think that sort of thing was a myth or something very unlikely to happen.
But as you get older, you start to notice how your relationship with your parents can effect your life.
If your parents were strongly against smoking, your more likely to develop the habit.
So it’s no shock that some people tend to follow certain and similar patterns when it comes to dating.
Our relationships with our parents, particularly our dads have an astound affect on who we date. Weird, right?
As a result of your parent’s relationship with one another and certain characteristics, you’re more likely to find that you’ve chosen partners with similar traits.
So yeah, we’re all dating our dads! Gross!
It’s true that there are exceptions to every theory, many therapists believe that the relationship between you and your dad affects your love life.
Shirani M. Pathak, is a licensed psychotherapist and relationship coach at the Relationship Center in Silicon Valley.
She recently revealed how your relationship with your father can affect your love life.
But in order to see how your relationship with your dad will affect your future relationships, you need to look at how your parents are with each other.
“What we learn about relationships we learn by not only watching the adults around us and how they interacted with one another when we were growing up, [but] we also learn about relationships by experiencing how the adults in our lives related with us.
“It’s not just a myth that our relationships with our parents impact our love lives.”
“If you had a great relationship with your dad, you will most likely have few struggles in your relationships with men. If you didn’t have such a great relationship with your dad, expect to find yourself struggling in your relationships with men.”
Most people imagine someone who shows signs dating their fathers as someone who has a terrible relationship with their father.
But that is not always the case.
After all, it’s not that you intend to date people like your dad.
There are many people who lived with alcoholic fathers that find themselves dating person after person who has a drinking problem.
Alternatively, your dad may have been absentee in your life so you turn to a romantic partner who tends to act in a similar way.
It’s a painful reality for many women.
“If you have a difficult relationship with your dad, the reason you might find yourself struggling in your romantic relationships with men is because you are carrying your childhood struggle into your adult life.
“Only, this time, you have unconscious hopes to ‘win’ the love, affection, attention, or whatever you feel you didn’t receive when you were growing up, from your partner. Basically, as terrible as it might sound, your romantic partner unconsciously becomes your replacement parent.”
So, now what? What if your dating a not so good version of your dad?
Someone who is absent, struggles with addiction, or is even abusive?
If that’s the case then you need to break the cycle and focus on the parts of you who are still dependent on those behaviour.
Therapy is a good way of dealing with these issues.
Shirani M. Pathak advices:
“If you find yourself struggling in your love life, and you are ready to end your struggle, seek the support of a qualified professional to help heal your childhood relational wounds.
“This will help you stop turning your adult romantic partners into replacement parents, and you can start to enjoy your love life.”
If you feel like your relationship with your father has a negative impact on your relationships then don’t be afraid to speak to a therapist.
We aren’t able to control how our relationships with our parents can affect us in the long run, but we can take some very important steps to prevent them from messing up our romantic relationships, and even work towards improving ourselves, and even work through the pain we experienced when we were kids.
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